Where Monster Trucks go to die

On any given day, a Monster Jam Freestyle event is taking place in my living room.  Sadly, the designers of these toys did not anticipate small children playing with said toys.  (Really, you couldn't have tested those out with live preschoolers?)  These trucks have made some spectacular air (as D says), but at a small cost.

This is Shattered.  It has problems with its axles.  It has been to the garage many times for both front and rear axles.

This is Grave Digger.  It is no longer a monster truck, but a dune buggy.

El Toro Loco has lost a horn.  Why do I keep thinking of a Bugs Bunny cartoon?

Careful, Monster Mutt, or you'll be next!

NaNoWriMo reflection

Holy cow, I did it!  I finished something that I started.  Whew!  And now, as I keep stressing to my students, a little reflection about the past month.

It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.  No, I am not smoking crack.  Really, writing a novel in a month wasn't that difficult.  Some caveats to the above statement. 
1- Writing is a whole lot easier to write when you are fairly certain no one on the planet is ever going to read it.  This draft will never see the light of day.  Eventually, you will see the highly polished, revised version, not in its current state of "steaming pile". 
2- This would have been easier had I had a plot in mind (and characters and a direction and a setting).  The first couple of days can be tossed out the window.  I didn't figure out my plot until halfway through.  Oh, and write down the names of your characters once they have one. 
3- Falling behind is a really bad idea.  Sure, I have proven that I am capable of producing 10,000 words in a weekend, but I cannot sustain that pace.  I could barely scrounge the mental capacity to write the last thousand words.  Along this same vein, no matter how good your intentions, you will not get any writing done on Thanksgiving or after date night, book club, or MNO.
4- When aiming strictly for a word count goal, contractions are not your friend.  I added 700 words to the count by converting 75% of the "n't"s to "not".  I added 200 more by eliminating "'m".
5- My vocabulary has gone to sh!t.  I used to be able to use verisimilitude and fait accompli correctly in a sentence.  I believe I used "just" and "even" most frequently.
6- Life continues to progress while I am typing furiously.  The house is a mess.  I don't want to talk about the laundry monster.  The wind and snow storms and power outages and fallen fences didn't help productivity.
7- Leave the house to be really productive.  Starbucks does wonders for my creativity, either as a solo effort or as part of a write-in.  [Editor's note- Could I get Starbucks to sponsor me?  Really.  As often as I go there and mention it in this blog favorably, a gift card here and there would be awesome.  Thanks so much.]
8- Excuses are really easy to make, but they don't put words on the page.  Maybe I should apply that to the rest of my life.  Think of what I could accomplish by not playing Bejeweled Blitz.
9- Do not assign your students anything major during the month of November.  That really sucked.
10- When writing an emotional scene, don't do it in public.  I got many odd looks while I was blubbering in the corner.

This was an awesome challenge, and I look forward to doing it again next year.  The local NaNoWriMo affiliate has write-ins year round.  I will indeed attend some of those.  And now, to get some exercise.  I've been sitting on my behind for the last month, and it is starting to grow.  Time to get moving again.

Oh, the things we do!

I am constantly amazed at all of the wonderful, strange, and sometimes gross things we do as parents for our children.  I was thinking this as I was outside this morning, before anyone else was awake, spreading kitty litter on the snowy, icy brick.  It was/is a balmy 17 degrees out there.  I didn't want a repeat of yesterday: lots of slipping and falling hard in little knees.  So, I raise my glass to all of your parents out there.  (Sure, my glass is currently filled with Carnation Instant Breakfast instead of booze.)  Here's to ya!

Dear Close Friends

As you know, I am participating in NaNoWriMo.  This year's efforts are strictly to finish the damn thing.  Since the style I am writing in is Mainstream Fiction, I am pulling lots of inspiration from real life.  I am writing in the real world, and no zombies, vampires, or magic spells are included.  That being said, and knowing that this novel will (most likely) never see the light of day, I wanted to let you know that you are, um, in it.  Should this ever be made public (and the chances of that are supremely slim), please don't be offended if you do or do not find yourself in the confines of this work.  None of you die horrible, unnatural deaths (unless you piss me off before the end of November).  I wanted to give you fair warning.  Please don't be shocked.  Please do not be surprised also if I call out of the blue between November 24-29.  I may be fishing for more plot devices.

Thank you.

A Funny Meltdown

Drake was very upset with me because we had to go back to the Bouncy Houses to retrieve my phone, but we weren't going to be staying.  On the way out the door, he loses his stuff, rolling on the floor.

D:  It's raining!  WHY is it RAINING?
Me:  Because that's what the weather is today.
D:  But I don't want it to be raining.  I want it to be warm.
Me:  Drake, we live in Washington.
D:  Waaahhhhhh!
Me:  Well, when you get older, you can move to someplace more tropical.
D: *sniff*  OK.

Missing: One Brain, Slightly Used

We came home from the Bouncy Houses today, and my phone was not with us.  It was gone.  I search the car and my purse.  "Mommy, it's at the Bouncy Houses."  I can't call them because I only have a cell phone.  We don't have a land line.  I check my coat and my purse again.  "Mommy, it's at the Bouncy Houses."  I feed the boys and check the car again.  Drake is trying tell me something,  "Not right now Drake.  Mommy is looking for her phone."  Mommy, your phone is at the Bouncy Houses."  I put the boys down for Quiet Time.  I e-mail Tim to have him call the Bouncy Houses.  I wait and wait for a response.  After what seems like forever, I get a response that yes, indeed, my phone is at the Bouncy Houses.  I spend the rest of Quiet Time reading Rants from Mommyland and playing Bejeweled Blitz.  (Can't concentrate to actually do work or write.)  After QT, I asked Drake, "Did you see Mommy's phone fall out of her pocket at the Bouncy Houses?"  "Yes."  I have now informed him to TELL me the next time he sees this happen.

I lost my mind when I had a second child.  I used to have a great memory, but that's all gone now.  Shortly after the Wee One was born, I forgot to strap D in his car seat.  The first time, we didn't get very far.  The second time, we drove for 20 minutes.  I never forgot this before.  I told him that from now on, if I forget, to tell me.  He's only had to remind me a couple of times, but he always reminds me. 

Distracted

Yesterday was the halfway mark in NaNoWriMo, and I am parked at 24,000 words.  I've been battling a wicked cold and the drugs just aren't doing it for me.  Last night I figured I would go to bed and have a fresh start today.  I'd would take the boys to Miss Tracy's, then clean the carpets, then write.  I'd stop around lunch, watch some TV, grade, then back to writing.  (I have learned two things in this process: once you get behind, catching up is a giant pain; and I have a production cap of 3300 words per day.)  And then wind picked up.  Boy, did it ever.  Lots of crashing on the roof and lights flickering.  The damage didn't look too bad at night, but in the light of day...

On the bright side: I no longer have to rake the leaves in the front yard, as they are now all in someone else's yard two miles away. 

On the down side: I was hoping the fence would last two more seasons before replacing it.  Nature had other plans.

I'm no expert, but this doesn't look right.  Thank goodness the maple tress are holding up the fence.

Tim texted me to go check out Mildred (the street behind our house, not some old lady in a bathrobe, pervs).  Branches were everywhere.  I was out there in my jammies and raincoat dragging debris out of the road.  Got some weird looks.  I came back in, threw on some clothes, and got the boys ready to go.  I have no idea if their ensembles match today.  I know I took two Sudafed out of the blister pack, but I don't know if I ever took them.  I don't know where to begin today.  That's why I'm writing this: to calm down and organize my disorganized, distracted brain.  Oh, look, something shiny...

And Now Presenting: Jane Austen on Facebook | English Muse

And Now Presenting: Jane Austen on Facebook English Muse

That's some funny stuff right there (assuming, of course, you are an Austen fan).

Antici...

D: Mommy, is it warm or cold outside?
Me:  Oh, it's really cold outside.
D: When it gets warm outside, Cars 2 is coming out!

Oh, geez.  Today is day two of the Cars 2 countdown.  It opens next summer.  He isn't this excited about Christmas (next month) or his birthday (February).  But, a movie...  yeah...

Frick and Frack

As much as I complain about my boys, I do love them very much.  This may just be the cold medicine talking or the lack of sleep, but I thought I would take a moment to celebrate the dudes.

What I love about D:
-he embraces the silly
-when he gets into something, he really gets into it.  (Current obsession interest: Monster trucks.  Mommy, I'm putting on a show for you.  Look at that air!  Look at that slap wheelie!)
-there isn't a fruit he has met that he doesn't like
-he randomly tells me that he loves me
-he's crazy smart

What I love about F:
-he doesn't know he's 1
-he has no fear
-he'll go off alone and amuses himself
-he spins in circles for no reason
-he meows at cats and says hi to all critters, especially ladybugs, caterpillars, and baby slugs

What I love about them both:
-they can eat their own weight in sausage
-they aren't afraid to try new food
-how they eat McDonald's ice cream cones (F- super fast; D-super slow)
-the way they laugh at Jumpy Squirrel on Curious George
-how they are amused by watching birds eat at our bird feeder
-how they will randomly plop in your lap
-how excited they become when they spot a bus/train/airplane/ferry boat
-they want to help cook and (sometimes) clean
-their big cheesy grins
-how they are entertained for days by an empty box

A sleepless haiku

Sleep, you coy mistress
With your mysterious ways
Alluding me so

Oh, return to me
So I do not lose my mind
And snap at my boys

Oh sweet Sudafed
Work your gloriousness, that
I may breathe again

New Product Idea

Lysol needs to create a disinfectant bomb.  It's akin to a flea bomb, only instead of killing fleas, it kills germs.  Perfect to use when everyone is sick.  I could really use one right now.  So many sick germs. :P

Dear Makers of NyQuil

Did you change the formula?  I remember, back in the day, that I could take a shot of NyQuil and wake up a bit groggy and hungover.  But it was a great feeling because I had slept.  Now, I am feeling just groggy because I haven't slept.  It is very difficult to sleep when one nostril is dripping.  (The right, BTW.)  Could you please change the formula back to its originial state?  You could rebrand it as NyQuil Classic™.  It worked for Coca-Cola.

Appreciation

I feel that I frittered away my childless years, selfishly pissing away moments I should have appreciated.  Here is a partial list:

1.  Eight+ hours of uninterrupted sleep
2.  Leisurely trips to the grocery store/mall/tourist destinations
3.  Reading a book in the middle of the day
4.  Doing laundry once a week
5.  Eating at restaurants with real silverware
6.  Spare time
7.  Quiet rides in the car
8.  Stainless shirts
9.  Alone time that doesn't involve a bathroom
10. Short term memory

All hail, the Magic Lunch God

My boys love Top Ramen.  Love it, love it, love it.  They would marry it if it were legal in this state.  (I'm sure it must be legal in some state.  Send a list, if you have one.)  I asked D, "Would you like Ramen for lunch today?"  "OH, YES!" was the response and he ran to his place at the dining room table.  I hadn't started boiling the water yet, but that's where he wanted to wait.  Okey dokey.

So, I guess I am raising two fraternity brothers.  Between their penchant for Top Ramen and preferring to roam the house wearing only underwear, I'm pretty sure that I am.  I was never in a fraternity, mostly because I am a girl, but I watch a lot of movies.  And if you can't trust a fictional movie for information, who can you trust?

Viva la Resistance!

When I went to sleep, the land known as Parentaville was calm and quiet.  The humble monarchy slept easy, knowing the kingdom was safe, and it ruled in a benevolent manner, fair and loving.  I awoke in Drakesylvania.  During the night in a bloodless coup, the diminutive dictator overthrew the monarchy, and tyranny swept the 1100 square foot land.  None were exempt from the oppressive power of the Neo-Mussolini.  A small band of resistance fighters are working to restore the monarchy.  The dictator's second in command, the Minister of Chaos, can be bribed with cheese and baked goods; this powerful ally will be essential to return the land to its former prosperity.  Hopefully, this will come to a peaceful resolution swiftly.

Day 1- NaNoWriMo

Day 1 has been going well.  Note the use of past tense.  I was writing along at a good clip.  I wrote this morning before the boys woke.  I wrote during nap/quiet time.  I was doing great.  I'm almost to the suggested daily word count (1145/1667).  And then it happened.  I realized that the story in my head, the story that's been trapped in there for SIX years, is almost complete.  Shit.  I've completed 2% of the final product and the story is almost told out.  It won't even qualify as a short story; it's flash fiction.  No matter how you define it, I'll be way, way short of the 50,000 word count.  Now what?  Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!