Update on Maria

Grandma is a tough old bird.

She spent a couple weeks in the hospital, recovering from surgery. After that, she went into a care facility. The doctors did another round of chemo, and it did shrink the tumor. They will be doing another round soon.

The care facility has been nice. It does have that "retirement home" smell that I have burned in my brain from visiting my step-great-grandmother when I was a child. Plus, I have been able to take the boys to visit her (finally). According to Maria, "Those old people really like seeing the boys." I love that she doesn't refer to herself as an old person. The boys enjoyed visiting there, mostly for the snacks from the Jolly Trolley and petting the resident chinchilla.

She will sprung from the joint tomorrow: her 83rd birthday. She wanted to go home last week. The therapists thought she was physically ready but not mentally. Apparently, there is a cognative test, and based on the results, Maria was having difficulty following directions. But, she had difficulty following directions *before* the surgery. What's the baseline? She could have been released on Tuesday, but no one was available to stay with her. And, boy, is she mad about staying two more days. She told me today, "I could have gone home yesterday, but your FATHER..." Based on how things have been before and since the surgery, she needs to have someone there. She is still frail (and so thin now!). She's forgetful. She almost set her house on fire because she forgot she had something in the oven. Dad and Mom are retired and they have the ability to stay with her, but they also have their own lives. I hope she doesn't stay too mad.

No lump babies for me

I was not blessed with a "lump" baby.  You've seen them in public.  They fall asleep in a car carriers and in strollers, and stay that way through most any ruckus.  They may occasionally whimper, but for the most part, you wouldn't know they were in the same room.  Nope, not me, not my children.  When I see these children, I am conflicted.  Part of me is jealous and part wants to punch someone.  I was blessed with Drake.

Drake.  Drake, Drake, Drake, Drake, Drake.  Where to begin?  I hit the breaking point (read: uncontrollable sobbing for hours) on Halloween, 2008.  We went to a party with my SAHM's group.  Here, Drake had the epic of all meltdowns: 30 mintues of inconsolable crying and carrying on.  I got lots of "you're an awful mother" and "why can't you calm your child" looks.  Eventually, I was able to haul him and my pregnant self out of there.  Later, I called my mom and regaled the entire story.  She later sent me an article that put everything into focus.  (I love you , Mom!)

Drake is, as Mary Sheedy Kurcinka defines it, a "spirited" child.  Spirited children are more: more intense, more persistent, more sensitive, and so on.  What happened on the epic-meltdown-day was a culmination of feelings, which led to his eventual overload.  He was too hot in his costume, he was hungry, he was tired, the restaurant was too noisy, there were too many people, and he wanted to play a video game but couldn't because other kids were.  All of it was too much for him, and this overload led to his meltdown.  Now, I know to avoid such situations.  Feed him before we go to events and never, ever be without snacks.  Arrive early so he gets comfortable with the space and when fewer kids are there.  Watch for the signs of input overload.  Dress him in a short sleeved shirt if we will be in a crowded enclosed space (or if lots of playing will be involved).  No tags are allowed in any of his clothing. 

All of this sometimes isn't enough.  He will meltdown for no reason (as far as I can tell), and I don't know from day to day what will trigger a meltdown.  When we hosted our first playdate, he was great.  He played the role of host and made sure everyone had snacks. The second playdate we hosted was a disaster.  He ran into the house crying and Tim had to coax him back outside.  The mystery meltdowns really make a person question his/her parenting abilities.  I have felt like a failure many times.  I doubt myself; I wonder why I had children.  It can be demoralizing and humiliating.  But, all of this has really changed my outlook on children and parenting and human emotion.

But, with all the negativity, I would  never want to change Drake from who he is.  Yes, he is sensitive, but that also makes him every empathetic.  He displayed empathy as a newborn, crying whenever he heard another baby cry.  His sensitive hearing also makes him aware of everything around him; he hears things I have long blocked out or ignored.  "Oooo, what's that, Mommy?" is uttered frequently at various sounds, and is followed by curious exploration.  We've seen some great things by following a sound.  He is very artistic and likes to make art projects for people.  He is quite tenacious, which will serve him well in the business world.  He knows what he wants, and he will try his best to get it.  He has seemingly limitless energy. He's perceptive and notices the minutiae around him.  ("Look, Mommy, look what I found!")  He is an introvert (which means he draws energy from being alone).  We now know to give him his space, and he now knows to go off alone to cool off or calm down.  He's cautious in new situations and doesn't transition well.  I'm hoping this means he will flourish in a structured school environment.  All of this makes for an interesting bundle, my bundle that is Drake.

So, to all of you with lump babies, cherish them and the quietness.  For those of you with spirited children, know that you are not alone.

Missing AZ

I miss Arizona for some obvious reasons: close friends, wearing shorts in March, decent Mexican food.  This morning, I miss it for another reason.  This "spring forward" crap needs to end.  It's "7" in the morning and I've been up since "5:30" finishing my marathon grading session.  Really, why is this antiquated system still in place?  We aren't a nation of farmers any more.  Daylight Savings Time, we need to go our separate ways.  As much as I love you in the fall, I despise you now.

Oh, and I need to renew my driver's license this year, too.  My AZ license is good until I'm 60.  I do miss living in a lazy state.

Maria

Here's what is going on with Grandma Maria. 

The small cell cancer went into remission last year, and she had been looking and feeling fine.  She would just get really, really tired.  The doctors thought a large blood clot had formed, so they tried to shrink it with medicine.  Well, that didn't quite work.  A few more exams later, the docs determined that it was either a really stubborn clot or a tumor that had formed.  Either way, she needed to have surgery right away because the mass was in her right artery, slowing blood flow (and thus, tiredness).  Tuesday, they crcked open her chest, and, oh crap.  This is how I understand it.  The tumor is embedded in the heart wall and has spread, connecting with the liver.  And it's cancerous.  And inoperable.

Now, Maria is a tough cookie.  She's beat cancer once before.  But, this time, I don't know.  The prognosis right now is two months without chemo, four with.  She was told something similar last time, but the chemo and radiation worked. 

I went to the hospital today.  On the wall is a white board with pertinent information: date, nurses' names, and a daily goal.  The goal for today: comfortable.  They just want to get her comfortable.  She looks so miserable, and rightfully so.  Her breastplate was opened yesterday and she has giant tubes on either side, draining fluid.  She's in the ICU now, and should be moved a non-ICU room tomorrow.  She'll be in the hospital for at least seven days, and then to a care facility for rehab.

I had to teach class yesterday, a couple hours after hearing all the news.  Right.  The actress in me gave the physical appearence of having it together, but mentally, I was gone.  I could barely string together a coherent sentence.  Ugh.  Luckily, the next several class sessions are conferences.  I just need to catch up on grading.  Maybe grading essays will keep my mind off things for a while.

This is all for now.  I'll post more later.