Intent

I realize that I come across as whiny, desperate, and pathetic in this blog.  And, oddly, I'm fine with that. I'd much rather come across that way there than face to face, causing people to run away screaming. This process has become rather cathartic for me.  I made the conscious decision to overcome my isolation.  Part of that is to slay my personal demons (of which there are many).  I didn't start this blog to become a "Blog of Note" or to even gather a base of followers.  I chose to not focus on one particular category, mostly because the thoughts in my brain are varied.  I guess it's all about intent.

So what about the bloggers who do focus on one particular area?  What is the intent?  Is it his/her own way of reducing his/her own isolation, by creating a "community" of others in the same situation?  To let others (and therefore, themselves) know they are not alone in the chaos known as life?  One blog I have been reading lately (which I am not going to name) keeps asking, rather shamelessly, to share his blog with others.  "Please repost on FB, Twitter..."  That, to me, comes across as someone who is desperate to be liked and accepted.  That's going too far.  If you are good at what you do, the sharing will come naturally.  Don't beg.  You are not a dog.

Coming to terms with one's insecurities is very personal, and I am airing mine here.  (It's my blog; I'll write what I want, dammit.)  When I first started using FB, my intent was rooted in my insecurities.  I wanted to gather many "friends" to remind myself that I know people, that people know me, that people wanted to know me, that I wasn't so isolated.  Quickly, I degenerated into my high school self-- the terribly awkward one that counted how many people had signed her yearbook.  (Yes, I did that.  Did more people sign this year than last year?)  I was feeling wounded because more "friends" weren't following my blog.  Then I snapped out of it and returned to this idea of intent.  Why am I on FB?  Why do I write?  When we understand why we do something, we can see the action for all its silliness.  So, why do I do all of this?  To get over myself.  If others read it or don't read it, it doesn't matter.  It shouldn't matter.  It's not like I'm trying to secure a book deal (like some other unnamed bloggers out there are doing).