Today would have been Grandma Maria's 85th birthday. I miss her ever so much. The grief continues to sneak up on me. I spent quite a bit of time in the morning in tears, either fully flowing or stifled. I managed to compose myself by the time I took the boys to church.
During the Peace portion of the mass, the woman sitting next to me went over to members of the choir. Lots of hugging and sad faces. When she returned to the pew, I noticed she was crying. I put my arm around her and asked if she was OK. Her response: no. A friend of hers, a long-standing member of the choir, woke up Friday morning with a headache, had brain surgery by 3 pm that day, and passed away this very morning. She also told me that her own mother has passed away recently. There's not much to say, so I just rubbed her back. After mass, she thanked me for being so kind and hoped she didn't scare Drake. "Sometimes, kids are scared when they see adults crying." I wanted to tell her that Drake had been watching me cry all morning, but it seemed wrong to make it about me.
Both boys accompanied me to the cemetery with flowers in hand. Flynn was more interested in climbing rocks, but Drake was curious about the whole situation. He remembers Maria, and wanted to visit where she was "in the ground." I have spent much of the day answering Drake's questions about life, death, God and heaven. I hope I explained things in a satisfactory manner. It was almost easier when he didn't fully understand and didn't ask so many complex questions. "If heaven's higher than the clouds, then wouldn't it be in outer space?" Um... good point.
We all are dealing with some sort of loss. Some losses are long in the past. Some are fresh. But, we are all dealing with one. Maybe we should all be a little nicer to each other, knowing that everyone carries some sort of pain.
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