I was not blessed with a "lump" baby. You've seen them in public. They fall asleep in a car carriers and in strollers, and stay that way through most any ruckus. They may occasionally whimper, but for the most part, you wouldn't know they were in the same room. Nope, not me, not my children. When I see these children, I am conflicted. Part of me is jealous and part wants to punch someone. I was blessed with Drake.
Drake. Drake, Drake, Drake, Drake, Drake. Where to begin? I hit the breaking point (read: uncontrollable sobbing for hours) on Halloween, 2008. We went to a party with my SAHM's group. Here, Drake had the epic of all meltdowns: 30 mintues of inconsolable crying and carrying on. I got lots of "you're an awful mother" and "why can't you calm your child" looks. Eventually, I was able to haul him and my pregnant self out of there. Later, I called my mom and regaled the entire story. She later sent me an article that put everything into focus. (I love you , Mom!)
Drake is, as Mary Sheedy Kurcinka defines it, a "spirited" child. Spirited children are more: more intense, more persistent, more sensitive, and so on. What happened on the epic-meltdown-day was a culmination of feelings, which led to his eventual overload. He was too hot in his costume, he was hungry, he was tired, the restaurant was too noisy, there were too many people, and he wanted to play a video game but couldn't because other kids were. All of it was too much for him, and this overload led to his meltdown. Now, I know to avoid such situations. Feed him before we go to events and never, ever be without snacks. Arrive early so he gets comfortable with the space and when fewer kids are there. Watch for the signs of input overload. Dress him in a short sleeved shirt if we will be in a crowded enclosed space (or if lots of playing will be involved). No tags are allowed in any of his clothing.
All of this sometimes isn't enough. He will meltdown for no reason (as far as I can tell), and I don't know from day to day what will trigger a meltdown. When we hosted our first playdate, he was great. He played the role of host and made sure everyone had snacks. The second playdate we hosted was a disaster. He ran into the house crying and Tim had to coax him back outside. The mystery meltdowns really make a person question his/her parenting abilities. I have felt like a failure many times. I doubt myself; I wonder why I had children. It can be demoralizing and humiliating. But, all of this has really changed my outlook on children and parenting and human emotion.
But, with all the negativity, I would never want to change Drake from who he is. Yes, he is sensitive, but that also makes him every empathetic. He displayed empathy as a newborn, crying whenever he heard another baby cry. His sensitive hearing also makes him aware of everything around him; he hears things I have long blocked out or ignored. "Oooo, what's that, Mommy?" is uttered frequently at various sounds, and is followed by curious exploration. We've seen some great things by following a sound. He is very artistic and likes to make art projects for people. He is quite tenacious, which will serve him well in the business world. He knows what he wants, and he will try his best to get it. He has seemingly limitless energy. He's perceptive and notices the minutiae around him. ("Look, Mommy, look what I found!") He is an introvert (which means he draws energy from being alone). We now know to give him his space, and he now knows to go off alone to cool off or calm down. He's cautious in new situations and doesn't transition well. I'm hoping this means he will flourish in a structured school environment. All of this makes for an interesting bundle, my bundle that is Drake.
So, to all of you with lump babies, cherish them and the quietness. For those of you with spirited children, know that you are not alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment