Challenging day

Today was not my best day, as a teacher and a business owner.   I yelled during class.  I never yell during class.  Then again, I have never had a class like this.  Even in my most challenging classes, I have been able to get through a lesson plan.  Not this class; not this group of kids.  There's always "that kid", the one who throws off the class dynamic.  This class had three.  One stopped coming.  The other two: no one wanted to partner with them.  These kids were mean to each other, wouldn't stop talking when I tried to teach, and flat out refused to do what was asked of them.  And then, two started chasing each other around the narrow room.  The only way to stop any more forward momentum was to yell to stop.  So I yelled.  I felt so helpless and so unprofessional in that moment. 

But, through all the chaos and the meanness and disrespectfulness of the class, I must have done something right.  I received this thank you card from one of the quieter students.

Waiting is the hardest part

I don't think I'm cut out for being the big boss or high pressure situations.  We are in a situation where we need to hire a teacher.  Two left in December, and all of our schools are up and running this month.  We interviewed two candidates this week.  One was perfect: past teaching experience, training in classroom management, wanted to become a teacher.  The other has the dynamic personality, but we have reservations about his classroom management ability.  I sent an offer over to the former this morning.  I haven't heard anything from her yet.  I fear we will not be enough for her.  That's the pisser of it all: the best candidates are already working and teaching. The rest have been marginal, at best. I could barely understand three applicants.  Several more never returned my calls.  And more still had zero skills related to what we do and were just applying to anything and everything.  I want this candidate to accept.  Every second that passes is adding to my worry and stress levels.

On the upside, I have been ridiculously productive today, trying not to think about how much time as passed without a response.  I guess there is a silver lining in all situations.

New year, same me

The Christmas decorations are down and packed in their boxes.  The living room is back to its proper configuration.  The boys are snuggled in their beds, reading by lamp light.  They will probably stay up too late reading, yet again.  I predict some grouchiness tomorrow.

The news feeds are full of ways to make this year the most organized and bucket-list-crossing-off year it could possibly be.  Friends have posted stated their intentions for improvement during this year.  Many gave a hearty middle finger to 2014, glad to be rid of a year full of, well, whatever the year was full of.  I applaud those who will keep these resolutions.  Resolutions are great in theory.  We should all want to improve, to learn, to grow.  Why is this reserved for the first of the year?  Why can't we change at any time?

As for me, I am fully aware of my shortcomings.  I want to learn new skills and have new experiences.  But, because I know my shortcomings, this year is about finishing. I start, but I lack follow through.  I can't begin anything new until I have finished what I have started/abandoned.  The craft projects have piled up over the past nine years in this house.  The home improvements that are half done.  The tasks that have been gathering dust on the to-do lists.  The books stacked in the corner, leaning precariously, and filling the Kindle memory.  How can we really expect to improve and grow and move on while we schlep so much baggage from the past?  All of these undone tasks have definitely exceeded that maximum weight restriction.

That is my plan for the year.  I am looking forward to crossing off each and every item on the overdue to-do list.

Oh, sweet irony

I started my college career studying business.  A third into my sophomore year, I abruptly left class to change my major to English.  (I didn't like the politics involved.)  Twenty years later, I am running a business with my husband, and I left teaching English because I didn't like the politics involved.

The Social Media Black Hole

I went down the rabbit hole of social media tonight.  It started so innocently, checking Facebook, which lead to Instagram, which lead to Twitter, which lead to more Facebook, which landed me on Google+.  (Does anybody even use Google+?)  I've spent more time in all of these time-sucks as a result of the business, since this is the new direction of marketing.  I stop and wonder about the direction we are going as a society.  We make "connections".  As an introvert who is notoriously horrible at meeting people and making friends, one would think I would revel in this type of detached attachment.  Part of me likes hearing from old friends.  Part of me still feels as awkward, self-conscious, insecure, and isolated as I did in junior high/high school.  (Why haven't people sought me out?  Why am I always the seeker?  How much do I reveal?  Why do I still feel like a dork?)  I do check people's posts all the time, and I don't know why.  What I mostly see is polarization and extremism.  Polite debate has been drown out by all-caps screaming.  No one is listening and everyone is yelling.  The anonymity emboldens people to be, for lack of a better term, dicks.  Some of this behavior is spilling over into real life.  Hopefully, we can all remember our manners when not in front a screen.  I promise to remember this, too.  And to put down the screen periodically.  Or at least at family functions.  And at the dinner table.

Many of my connections have unplugged from one site or another.  The sites where they remain involve a much smaller, selective circle of connections.  Maybe we *should* all join Google+ to avoid the bullshit that wears us down.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look at pictures of baby hedgehogs.

The end

This quarter is the first after many, many years that I do not have a teaching appointment.  I am/was so low on the totem pole that I wasn't given any classes.  I am still torn about how I should feel.  I wish the end of my teaching career would have happened on my own terms.  (Officially, it isn't over,  but I have a feeling that I won't return. I'm still on some list somewhere. )  The loss of medical benefits and a steady,  albeit tiny,  paycheck is stressful. The freedom to focus my energy on our own business is awesome.  Now I really need to work on my time management skills. Or find a personal assistant. So much to do;  so little time.  

Mmmm... ducklings

Me:  We're going to Bruno's.
Flynn:  YES!  Schnitzel!   Mommy,  what are those things I always take off your plate?  Ducklings?
Me: Dumplings.
Flynn: Yum.  Dumplings.
Me: Ducklings on your plate would make for a very different meal.
All:  Quack quack quack!